Community | Slow Hand Massage

The 3-minute Game

The 3-Minute Game is a fun way to explore sensual touch with a partner. You get to ask for what you want, to give and get consent, and slow down and sink into pleasure!

The rules are simple. You and your partner decide who will be A and who will be B (you stay assigned to that letter for the entire game). You take turns asking two questions. The questions are:

Q1: For your pleasure, how would you like me to touch you, for 3 minutes?

Q2: For your pleasure, how would you like to touch me, for 3 minutes?

That's it! The entire game takes about 15 minutes. Here's how a game might go:

First part: Question 1

A asks B Q1: For your pleasure, how would you like me to touch you, for 3 minutes?
B: Thinks it over, then answers: For my pleasure, would you touch me (in this place, in this way) for 3 minutes? Examples:

–For my pleasure, would you massage my feet slowly and firmly, for 3 minutes?

–For my pleasure, would you spoon me from behind, and nuzzle the back of my neck, for 3 minutes?

A: Considers whether they are willing and able to give this touch, then answers Yes, or Yes, but..., or No, but, or No. Or, A can ask for clarification. For example:

–Yes!

–Yes, but... (and adds a constraint, for example: Yes, but only if you wash your feet first, or Yes, but if I can be sitting down with my back against the wall)

–No, but... (and makes a counter-offer, for example: No, but I would massage your hands, or No, but I would do it without nuzzling the back of your neck)

–No, could you request something else?

–What do you mean by "spoon you"?

Once you've agreed on something, set a 3 minute timer, and have fun!

Some things to remember for Q1:

A, don't agree to giving touch that you don't want to give. Do only what you can give with a full heart. Otherwise, respond with Yes, but... or No, but... or No, could you request something else?
A, be sure to honour the agreement! Do only the touch that was agreed. Don't start getting creative or mixing it up. Feel free to ask, Am I doing this the way you want it?
B, remember that this is for your pleasure! If A isn't giving you what you asked for, or if you want a modification, clarify for A what you want! And if A is doing a great job, let A know with words or sounds!

After 3 minutes is up, switch roles, and now B asks Question 1, and A requests the touch.

Second part: Question 2

When you've each had a chance to ask Question 1 and receive the touch you want, move on to Question 2:

A asks B Q2: For your pleasure, how would you like to touch me, for 3 minutes? (Note that the touch is for the pleasure of the person doing the touching!)
B: Thinks it over, then answers: For my pleasure, may I touch you (in this place, in this way) for 3 minutes? Examples:

–For my pleasure, may I play with your chest hair, stroking and scratching, for 3 minutes?

–For my pleasure, may I sensually suck on each of your fingers, for 3 minutes?

A: Considers whether they are willing and able to allow this touch, then answers Yes, or Yes, but..., or No, but, or No, or ask for clarification, as you did for Question 1.

Once you've agreed on something, set the 3 minute timer, and have fun!

Some things to remember for Q2:

A, be sure to honour the agreement! Do only the touch that was agreed. Don't start touching in ways that weren't agreed to.
A, don't agree to receiving touch that you aren't comfortable with. Allow only what you can give with a full heart. Otherwise, respond with Yes, but... or No, but... or No, could you request something else?
B, manage your boundaries. If A isn't sticking to the agreement, let them know verbally or physically. Also, if you agreed to something but now you realize you don't feel comfortable with it, you can withdraw your consent and ask them to ask Question 2 again with a different request.

After 3 minutes is up, switch roles, and now B asks Question 1, and A requests the touch.

Once each person has had a chance to ask each of the two questions, the game is over. But nothing's stopping you from playing another round!

About the 3-Minute Game

The 3- Minute Game was invented by Harry Faddis, and further developed and popularized by Betty Martin. Learn all about it here!